The Great Experience Paradox

Ugh.

That's all I can say. Just...ugh.

There's nothing less appealing than looking for a job. Am I the only person out there who feels it's a huge invasion of privacy? I mean, when you fill out an application, you're telling complete strangers all about you. Where you've worked, who your friends (references) are, and your skills.

I can understand that they need to know things like that. It's important to know where a person has worked, and for how long, and what skills they might have that you, the employer, can use.

...and yet, I have this image in my mind of the human resources director looking at my resume (or application, depending on how classy the company is), and just seeing all my mistakes.

You see, I'm a serial quitter. In my entire working life, since age seventeen or so, I've probably only given the customary two-weeks notice three times that I know of. This, naturally, is not included in my work history by me, but it's still there, and I feel like the personnel directors of the world can sniff me out, like a rotten egg in the back of the refridgerator.

It's not that I don't feel bad when I don't give notice. My problem is, by the time I'm ready to leave a job, and fling myself into the insecurity of unemployment, I'm sick of the job. I have trouble with getting bored.

I can't say that I've ever had a job that really challenged me, or really used my skills and potential in any sort of real way.

You know why?

Because of the experience paradox.

You all know what I'm talking about. The great mystery of the human resources dynamic.

The potential employer wants people skilled in _________.

In order for someone to become skilled in ________, one must work in that field.

Unfortunately, all of the potential employers want someone already skilled in ________.

I am fairly certain that I could do something like graphic design if I was hired on to do something in that field, and given about a week to learn the programs. Let's be honest, a person almost always learns more when doing something hands-on than in a classroom situation.

So why am I not working in graphic design?

Because I haven't done it in a "paid" situation.

So, I'll be doing what any stupid monkey can do. It doesn't even need and intelligent monkey. A stupid one can do it.

Ugh.

Ten things: Movies

Ten things I've learned from watching movies.

1.) The rules Randy said in Scream about being in a horror movie? Yeah. All completely true.

2.) No matter how you get the girl/guy to fall in love with you, she/he'll forgive you of it if enough time passes, or you do something incredibly embarrassing to yourself. You could have been posing as the opposite gender, using him/her in some sort of secret plot, or any number of incredibly asinine "obviously bad ideas that will eventually, inevitably go wrong" happenings.

3.) Old people are all either grumpy with a heart of gold, know-it-alls who've had incredibly inspirational lives, or beloved eccentric people who die at the exact moment everything is going right for you.

4.) Everyone has at least one redeeming quality, (even obviously evil, unlike-able people), which will show up in the form of a tear, or sad look as they die.

5.) There is always only one scientist that really understands what is going on in an emergency, and no one will listen to him until a whole lot of bad things have happened.

6.) No one ever gets away with any sort of crime unless they're funny and good looking.

7.) If you do get a date,(or get into a relationship) with the girl/guy of your dreams, something will inevitably go wrong. Fortunately, this can be fixed easily through self-humiliation (i.e. singing outside a window at 3 a.m.).

8.) Ugly girls are hot once you clean them up...every time, without fail.

9.) If you miraculously receive superhuman powers, you must turn incredibly good, or incredibly evil. There's no inbetween.

10.) If you come across several attractive, flirtatious women in the middle of nowhere, run. Messing with them will only lead to you being loved up and turned into a horny toad, or turned in to the authorities as a Confederate deserter.

Just Shut Up!!!

Movies are a huge part of my life. Actually, probably more of my life than is actually healthy. Our living room looks like a small Blockbuster Video, we have so many VHS tapes and DVD's.

Part of the enjoyment of a movie, naturally, is that for a short time, you escape your reality, and get pulled into the story of the characters in the film. Yes, books can have the same effect, but that falls into an entirely different category for me.

So, that's why I got a bit upset at the freakin' movies tonight.

We went to see "In Good Company" and had a trio of genetic rejects come in late and flop down a few seats away. An older man and his wife, and their daughter. It was obviously their daughter, as loudly, as the movie started, she announced, "Mom, we're sitting down here! There's no stairs over there!"

Now, I don't want to sound like some kind of movie theater snob, but these people drove me nuts. You forget to turn off your cell phone? That's okay, as long as you answer fast, and hang up faster. Think of something funny to tell a friend, or need to ask them a question? Fine. Whisper it to them, and then shut up.

Part of the problem with that is that half of the people in the world don't seem to understand the difference between a stage whisper and a whisper. The proper way to whisper is to get close to someone's ear, and basically his the words, or say them under your breath. If it's a loud situation, like a car chase scene in a movie, then move closer to the ear, instead of attempting to raise the volume of the whisper. When you raise that volume, it becomes a stage whisper, easily heard by everyone else, and more likely to be heard than, say, a mutter, because of the distinct hissing sound you're making, which annoys the crap out of me, when I'm trying to watch the movie I paid to see.

I need to be pulled into the story, and that's not going to happen if someone's a few seats down from me, stage whispering to her mother, (who laughs like a donkey being tortured), about how that actress is on CSI: Miami. I can't let the narrative take me away if someone's repeating every line she finds halfway amusing, (and she had a really strange sense of humor), to her father, who keeps blowing his nose loudly, like a dented trumpet trapped uncomfortably in an elephant's trunk. I can't enjoy myself with someone's idiotic inability to shut up!

Deprived of my out-of-body-into-film experience, I got fed up, and I went:

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

...and they shut up, for ten minutes. Then it started in again. I gave up, and just enjoyed the movie as best I could, imagining a reality in which the three didn't exist, where I was totally wrapped up in Topher Grace's inability to just relax and realize he hates what he does for a living. I went to my happy place, where I could truly enjoy the adorable qualities of Scarlett Johansson.

Then, the movie ended, and the mother had the freakin' nerve to "apologize" for her daughter's behavior. Don't apologize to me, woman! You should have told your ridiculously loud wench of a daughter to shut her flapping, sparkly-glossed lips! You should have taught her at an earlier age, (did I mention the daughter looked like she was in her late-late teens, or twenties?), that in the movie theater, you watch the movie! You don't comment on every little thing!

(Stops, catches his breath.)

Anyway, that was my exciting Friday night. Sorry about the rant, but I had to let it out. Had to!