A Whole New Breed of Idiocy: Lesson 4

Bob and his stupid driving habits are going to be the death of the human race as we know it.

On his way to see "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason," he was way ahead of time. An hour ahead, actually, but he didn't want to wait to get there. He liked to watch the previews up on the big screen they had above the snackbar.

Also, he'd left home early because he wanted to catch the rush hour show at five pm, which meant he'd save a whole dollar on his ticket.

(He was already saving seven dollars by not having a date, the poor schmuck.)

At the same time, completely by coincidence, I was on my way to work.

(It's funny how we're always on the road at the same time, isn't it?"

Bob, being impatient to see the trailer for "Closer," threw his tiny Escort into drive, and began to blast his way through traffic, weaving like a mad man. A truck was turning, so he flung his car into the left lane. It wouldn't do to have to slow down for two seconds.

No, it was much better to almost hit that minivan with the Illinois plates, and the Grateful Dead sticker in the back window.

Then someone else, (who rivals Bob in driving judgement), came out into the left lane, going nice and slow. Bob slammed on his gas, and sped over into the right lane again, losing a hubcap, which eventually, a man in overalls would sell for five dollars at his roadside stand.

The madness continued, and I watched as Bob neared my position in the left lane, where I had sped up ever so slightly to get past a big rig, that according to the name painted on the hood, was named "Gracie."

People like Bob make me insane, and mad, and so, as he flies up behind me, I'm almost past Gracie, but I start to slow down.

I hate him. I want to make him drive slow.

In an effort to make me move, Bob tailgates me, and I grin and laugh evilly as he is trapped behind Gracie and I, as I keep up our intricate dance to keep him behind,

It's beautiful.

The Lesson: Weavers never prosper. You may make it for a while, and seem to be making progress, but eventually, someone's going to stop you just for principle.

...and I hope it's me.